oh sleepless nights...

its one of those days. my day has just started and i already feel defeated. i had quite a night with my baby boy. it could be worse, i know, but it still was rough. he cried (bc of some gas pains, i think) until about midnight, at which time my husband and I had a discussion about our stresses. So i didnt get to bed until around 12:45 and he woke up at 3:30 then again at 5:30 and decided he was going to hang out for a while. to top it off i was not feeling well myself. he stayed up for over an hour! needless to say i feel it is like an omen for the rest of my day. im hoping i can get out of this funk to attempt something productive today because i have a couple mounds of laundry that really need to be done. have i mentioned i hate laundry? well eventually it will become quite apparent. its my most despised chore and i will admit i make sure my family has enough clothes to last a week and a few days because i know that i will not do the laundry on any kind of schedule. i probably make it even worse on myself because by the time we get to it its at least a weeks worth. i give many props to women who keep up with laundry i only have a 4 people household i could not imagine having more.
so my husband and i were discussing putting our little one (lo) in his crib. while i am ready i must admit that i am just fretting it because his sleeping pattern is still erratic. i dont want to have to wake up and go all the way across the hall to feed him, i worry i might wake myself up in the process and have trouble getting back to sleep. its just easier to have him next to the bed in his bassinet. but i know also that that increases the possibility that i will put him in the bed with us if he's being fussy in the middle of the night and im tired ( i did last night).and that is a habit i hoped to avoid this time around it took forever to get my older son in his bed. i know that my husband is having trouble sleeping thru the night time cries (shockingly bc he sleeps thru everything!)and that is something i dont want to put him through bc even i i dont get enough sleep i can possibly make it up during the day or relax the next day but my hubby cant he has to get up and go to work...and he does everyday. this weekend will be testing time, we will try for the second time (i gave up the first) to get my son sleeping in his own room. cross your fingers for me. (for good measure do the toes too)...p.s excuse the typos and/or grammatical errors this was typed one handed. can i get an amen for multi-tasking?

boobies....planning not to plan

ok so i began my pregnancy knowing that this time i would try my best to breastfeed. with my older son i was young (19) and impatient and i tried once in the hospital and quickly gave up. going into it this time i knew that i would try harder but also knew i would probably still not last that long. and i didnt last very long breastfeeding exclusively. maybe the first couple weeks. and then i slowly began to supplement. by the time my son was one month old i was what i call "supplementing breastmilk". really kind of expecting my supply to diminish. but to my surprise it wasnt, and then i would randomly breastfeed more some days than others and now i breastfeed my 3 month old 2-5 times a day (for a few weeks now all his nighttime feedings have been breast). well now i am on an antibiotic and can not breastfeed. i told myself that i would just go ahead and wean now (i mean afterall i never really expected to last so long anyway) since i cant BF with the meds. but now i find myself pumping daily to keep up my supply because i am not sure that i dont want to anymore. i know there are huge debates about breastfeeding and there are probably people that would read this and think that i am selfish but i do feel like i want my breasts back. im kind of tired of leaking and i want them back for my husband. plus i find i sleep worse when i BF every feeding at night because i end up letting my son stay in the bed, and he snacks at his leisure LOL. but i just cant seem to give it up. i cant wait to be able to give him back at least one of our night feedings. its just one of those things we go through as mothers that lets you know having a plan about parenting is not necessary and many times it doesnt go the way u planned anyways. i have five more days of meds and my plan going forward with breastfeeding is to not have a plan.