o by golly have a holly jolly.....

i love the holidays but then again, i hate the holidays. so much stress trying to remember everyone u need to send a card to and everyone u need to buy presents for. dont get me wrong i love shopping & therefore i love having a reason to do it and not feel guilty for it but this year i just want to get it over with. my mind has still not wondered back to its rightful place (with me, that is) and i cant remember normal things on a regular basis so adding all the extra stuff is sending my mind into overload. the upside is that i will be heading home for christmas ready to see my family and spend 2 long weeks home. while i love our new place i miss my family and friends. so im excited to get to spend the holidays with them.
well i might have had many more intriguing things to say but little eyeballs have just opened and u know what that means....bye bye mommy time:)
happy holidays everyone!

oh where oh where has my little mind gone?

so we have had a whole WEEK of success with my LO in his crib!! i can't believe i did not do this sooner. it did take some crying but he has hasn't cried for longer than 15 mins on any night and in fact two nights he has went down wide awake and fell asleep NO CRYING! i am elated! not to mention i am getting a little more sleep it seems that now that he is alone in his bed he is sleeping at longer stretches (or maybe it just seems that way because im not scrunched up next to him trying not to move so he doesnt wake up).
on another note... tonight i spent about 30 minutes researching "forgetfulness after baby". seriously i was beginning to think that i was losing my mind. and in fact that could still be the case but apparently there are quite a few others losing theirs too so i feel better :) sometimes ill be having a conversation and just stop in the middle and stare into space because i literally forgot the next word i was going to say! i must ashamedly admit that i forgot my son on early release day (to my credit early release day is only once a month, but still...) luckily i have a wonderful friend who is my neighbor that came down and reminded me so even though i ended up being at the very end of the line, i made it before they had to call me. i forget small stuff all the time. my son will be like "mommy we forgot to....(fill in the blank cause it could be anything from go to the library to sign my folder for school)" i keep telling him "oops...i told you to remind me".i am counting on my seven year old to remind me of stuff and well (obviously) its not working out too well. i have 3 dry erase boards plastered all around my house, the only problem with that is i forget to look at them. i've always been the person who remembers all the little details that run our household and i feel a bit inadequate forgetting all the time. granted i do remember the stuff (it just might a bit later than it was needed). i hear it gets better. i dont remember having it with my first (but then again i dont remember what i was doing five minutes ago either) im just hoping that at some point (preferably in the very near future) i will get my mind back. i could kind of use it......

oh sleepless nights...

its one of those days. my day has just started and i already feel defeated. i had quite a night with my baby boy. it could be worse, i know, but it still was rough. he cried (bc of some gas pains, i think) until about midnight, at which time my husband and I had a discussion about our stresses. So i didnt get to bed until around 12:45 and he woke up at 3:30 then again at 5:30 and decided he was going to hang out for a while. to top it off i was not feeling well myself. he stayed up for over an hour! needless to say i feel it is like an omen for the rest of my day. im hoping i can get out of this funk to attempt something productive today because i have a couple mounds of laundry that really need to be done. have i mentioned i hate laundry? well eventually it will become quite apparent. its my most despised chore and i will admit i make sure my family has enough clothes to last a week and a few days because i know that i will not do the laundry on any kind of schedule. i probably make it even worse on myself because by the time we get to it its at least a weeks worth. i give many props to women who keep up with laundry i only have a 4 people household i could not imagine having more.
so my husband and i were discussing putting our little one (lo) in his crib. while i am ready i must admit that i am just fretting it because his sleeping pattern is still erratic. i dont want to have to wake up and go all the way across the hall to feed him, i worry i might wake myself up in the process and have trouble getting back to sleep. its just easier to have him next to the bed in his bassinet. but i know also that that increases the possibility that i will put him in the bed with us if he's being fussy in the middle of the night and im tired ( i did last night).and that is a habit i hoped to avoid this time around it took forever to get my older son in his bed. i know that my husband is having trouble sleeping thru the night time cries (shockingly bc he sleeps thru everything!)and that is something i dont want to put him through bc even i i dont get enough sleep i can possibly make it up during the day or relax the next day but my hubby cant he has to get up and go to work...and he does everyday. this weekend will be testing time, we will try for the second time (i gave up the first) to get my son sleeping in his own room. cross your fingers for me. (for good measure do the toes too)...p.s excuse the typos and/or grammatical errors this was typed one handed. can i get an amen for multi-tasking?

boobies....planning not to plan

ok so i began my pregnancy knowing that this time i would try my best to breastfeed. with my older son i was young (19) and impatient and i tried once in the hospital and quickly gave up. going into it this time i knew that i would try harder but also knew i would probably still not last that long. and i didnt last very long breastfeeding exclusively. maybe the first couple weeks. and then i slowly began to supplement. by the time my son was one month old i was what i call "supplementing breastmilk". really kind of expecting my supply to diminish. but to my surprise it wasnt, and then i would randomly breastfeed more some days than others and now i breastfeed my 3 month old 2-5 times a day (for a few weeks now all his nighttime feedings have been breast). well now i am on an antibiotic and can not breastfeed. i told myself that i would just go ahead and wean now (i mean afterall i never really expected to last so long anyway) since i cant BF with the meds. but now i find myself pumping daily to keep up my supply because i am not sure that i dont want to anymore. i know there are huge debates about breastfeeding and there are probably people that would read this and think that i am selfish but i do feel like i want my breasts back. im kind of tired of leaking and i want them back for my husband. plus i find i sleep worse when i BF every feeding at night because i end up letting my son stay in the bed, and he snacks at his leisure LOL. but i just cant seem to give it up. i cant wait to be able to give him back at least one of our night feedings. its just one of those things we go through as mothers that lets you know having a plan about parenting is not necessary and many times it doesnt go the way u planned anyways. i have five more days of meds and my plan going forward with breastfeeding is to not have a plan.

ok that kid really isn't mine...

i want to know who built this house i am living in because it is the creakiest thing ever, even the littlest step upstairs sounds like a stampede from down here (when the neighbor's kids are over i am not completely uncertain it ISNT a stampede). as my little one is sleeping peacefully in his swing every creak sends a knot in the pit of my stomach "PLEASE dont interrupt this blissful nap". My son comes running down the stairs sounding a bit like tarzan screaming, of course, as loudly as is humanly possible, and when i shush him, "your brother is asleep" (thru gritted teeth of course) he informs me "but its carl". well im telling carl to shush too!! whew! that was a close one.....

whose kid is that?

Not mine! I joke...i joke. well, sort of. ;) (JK) i sit here as a stay at home mom day in and day out bored and frazzled out of my mind many days. while i love my kids i just generally wish there was more truth out there about the stress and feelings that come along with being a stay at home mom. the idea that we are all perfect superwomen soccer moms is such a falsity i am ashamed and feel guilt at the thought of even confessing my true day to day life. i am an admittedly horrible housewife. i take care of my youngest son who is only 3 months and my older who is 7. the huge gap which has left me feeling as though i am a brand new mother all over again. i am the kind of stay at home mom whose laundry is not always done (and in fact is rarely ever all the way complete), whose husband has to eat a lot of frozen dinners (and I dont mean the kind I cook in bulk to be used later), whose dishes, on more than one occasion a week, get piled up, who does many of the things your not "supposed" to do. while i am not so good at the housework or the cooking, i do love my children (even if they do drive me bonkers!) and i feel extremely grateful that i am able to stay at home with them. this will be just a little peek into the life of a stay at home mom who is honest about how hard it is and who is real about the fact that i dont even TRY to do it all! u will get to hear all the great stories that we all know too well as stay at home moms (and mom's in general). such as the time when my 7 year old wrote on his brother's furniture ("WHAT was he thinking?!) and i'm considering all the steps he took to do so. first you have to find the PERMANENT marker, take the cap off, go in your brother's room, write 9 letters and through all this you didnt once stop and consider, "mom is going to see this". AH! I do love my kids, but sometimes I am left wondering "whose kid is that?"